Presently

Please excuse the thought-vomit word-dump that this post is about to be. It’s been a while since I’ve written on here and I’m mostly just trying to get myself back into it. Although that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about anyway. It seems like I’m always trying to “get back” to something, and recently a friend pointed out that I might not be as appreciative of what I have as I should be.

The past always seems better than it was, and certainly better than the at-best-boring, at-worst-debilitating present. And don’t even get me started on thinking about the future. The future is too scary. So indulge with me for a moment while I take in the present.

Today is Friday. And it’s a gorgeous almost autumn Friday at that. It’s warm but there’s a little breeze every now and then. I love the weather right now because it feels like my two favorite seasons, summer and fall, at the same time. And it’s also almost my birthday.

But I guess what has mostly been weighing on my mind lately is my inability to keep my mind in the present. To just be the blissfully unaware, happy-go-lucky, child that I used to be. Completely unaware of comparisons, everything in that moment was the best because it was happening. Right now! And I was completely okay with that! Can you imagine? Kids just do what they’re doing and and love every minute of it because they aren’t constantly worried about something else. How do they do that!?

My inner grumpy old man is dangerously close to escaping.

Instead of just enjoying myself, what I’ve found myself doing is thinking about how much I used to enjoy myself. Sure, sure, this is a fun time we’re having but remember how much fun we used to have? Those were the days. What if I just ruin the fun time we were having right now by wallowing in my own sadness, you know, just while I’m at it.

However, (Transitional word! Here comes the twist!) I have decided that constantly making myself sad is no longer fun. Not that it ever was, but I’m more aware of my doing it now. And when my friend told me that I was being a little unappreciative of all the good things I do have right now (her friendship for example, as well as the friendship of plenty of beautiful wonderful women that I’m so happy I’m so close to) it made me want to try to be more present… in the present, in the hopes that actually taking into account the good things of every day it will help me be a little bit happier. And that’s a good goal for anyone. No matter your circumstances, we can all benefit from staying in the present.

Life might not be exactly what you want it to be at the moment, but that doesn’t mean that what it is is bad. In fact, if you really think about it, there’s probably a few good things about your life. Even if there’s just one. One is plenty. And although it might be easier to think about the negatives, it’s much more rewarding to repeat your one good thing to yourself over and over again.*

Think about the fact that you’re a human, alive right now. Isn’t that just wild all on it’s own? You can literally do anything right this very second if you wanted to. And then think about where you are. Right this moment you’re sitting or standing, reading or scrolling, breathing. And there’s over a billion other people all doing something too. Isn’t that neat?

It’s small, but the present moment is all we really have when you think about it. The past has happened, and for better or for worse, it’s what makes you you, and that in itself is awesome. The future is so terrifyingly full of possibilities that it could literally be anything.

So where are you right now? What’s around you? Stop and breathe for a second and feel your heart beat. Even if you have nothing at all, you have that. And that isn’t so bad.

*I would caution here that doing this out loud might make you seem a little crazy, and as the current conductor of the Crazy Train I would know. Don’t worry, it’s easier to just accept it. Acceptance is the first step, right?